May 2012
4 posts
I Remember...
I remember … telling her. … her telling me it was my fault. … it was my fault. … telling her it was my fault. … telling me it wasn’t my fault
… reminding her that she told me it was my fault.
…. her crying because she remembered she once told me it was my fault.
…
Now, I don’t know if I think it’s my fault or if I just...
this, you and us.
Him: "I miss this."
Her: "I miss you."
Him: "I miss us."
April 2012
9 posts
My Very Own Left Eye
Left Eye was the firecracker of TLC: unapologetic, confident, and still wore that heart of a lion of hers on her sleeve. Even ten years after her passing on April 25, 2002, we miss Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes for simply being herself. Whether as individuals or a collective, TLC mirrored many young women, especially young women of color. They represented who we were and who we wanted to be,...
“You can’t move on till you let go of the past. Letting go is the easy...”
– Grey’s Anatomy
Oh.
Her: You don’t think it hurts me to see my BFF hurt?
Me: Wait, why is your boyfriend hurting?
Her: My ‘best friend forever.’ You.
Me: Oh.
It says something when I see BFF and think boyfriend. Or how my mind quickly correlates a male, a relationship when in talks of love. Not the love of my best friend.
Day No. ... Whatever.
All I wanted to do today was to:
Take the elevator up to the third floor of your building.
Walk to your closet, after your roommate would let me in.
Put on your camouflage jacket. (I’ve been looking for one for me, but I keep thinking of yours.)
Lay in your bed, sleep inside your jacket, till you came back home.
See you stand before me and smile. Smile like after the first time we...
“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yoruself...”
– Rae Smith
“Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That’s...”
– Haruki Murakami (via misswallflower)
Hide & Hold
How twisted they were. Intertwined in one another, underneath each other. Hidden in between the other. For two consecutive nights, they hid in his four walls. Her walls. They were each others escape from the one who left them. They were enough for each other though, for Friday night and all of Saturday.
They blocked the sun from each others eyes. ‘No light, not yet.’
They spoke of...
“Maybe you can stay a bit longer/ Or I can...
“Well if the end is feasible, inevitable or even imaginable, better solitude than...”
– K’NAAN
March 2012
1 post
February 2012
3 posts
Are You Ready?
Him: "You know why I asked how you felt about me? Because I could fall in love with you. I could buy a house with you. I could make a baby with you... I could be with you. But when I go in, I go all in. I can't do that while you're pining after another man. You're not ready for what I have to offer."
Her: "I can get ready."
Him: "That would be nice."
“It’s always words that undress you.”
“I’ve often lost myself, in order to find the burn that keeps everything awake.”
– Federico García Lorca (via misswallflower)
January 2012
10 posts
The Other Day
I never saw the day I’d see you and not want more of you. I’ve pined and cried for one more word, one more sigh for years. And one day, the other day, I got a dinner and a movie with you. After, I didn’t want more of you.
It happened. Finally.
One Way to Say 'I Love You'
I told him I loved him in his third day of struggling with strep throat. I crawled into bed and laid on my side, facing him. On the right side of his bed, my side. He smelled like NyQuil but I didn’t care. Sickness was the last thing, if even on my mind.
“Babe,” I whispered.
I placed my palm on his shoulder then moved upwards to cradle his cheek. Never lifting my touch.
He...
“And I’m still in love cause when it’s that real is when it...”
– Aubrey “Drake” Graham
“I’m not sentimental — I’m as romantic as you are. The idea, you know, is that...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald (via misswallflower)
2 tags
Girl, Interrupted
Took a stroll through a few of our automatically saved e-conversations and found a reminder of the broken link in our friendship and where it lies:
“Happy belated…,” “Sorry, I was…,” “I can’t talk right now but…,” “I’m here but I’m…,” and of course “… is busy. You may be interrupting.”
And...
“You know that place between sleeping and awake, that place where you can still...”
– J.M. Barrie (via misswallflower)
Lucky No. 3
A text, a voice mail and an email; all in one day. Haven’t heard of you, from you, this many times; all in one day. Except for three days ago. I saw a photo of you and her, found footage of last Christmas, and to finally a mutual friend brought you up.
You’re three days late. You’ve walked in and out of my life as you please, without consideration of your stance in my heart,...
“And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.”
– Rainer Maria Rilke (via misswallflower)
“I wonder who you’ll end up with”
– Mama Ramirez
December 2011
3 posts
“Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us.”
– Pablo Neruda
November 2011
8 posts
“Do you forbid what your heart is saying to you now?”
– ‘Wuthering Heights’ (1939)
“No, I don’t think he’s the one. Do I wish a bit that he was the one?...”
– Joleen Linasan
Sent
With a glass of merlot in my left hand, I type, slowly, my confession with my right. “I’ve liked you since I met you.”
Sent.
Fast forward to three years later.
“I been talking to this girl named Crystal for a minute and it’s starting to get serious.” I read, quickly, your confession with both eyes. I get weak and let you fall from my hands.
Now if...
1 tag
Day Three
Me: I think he’s over my crying. Taj: I think he’s over the fact that he’s the reason for your crying.
Day 1
Fuck you and your “tomfoolery”
Let's Play Pretend
How does this feel for you?
I want to know if this that we’re doing is letting go or losing hope? I can’t figure which one it is for me. In the light, I take deep breaths heavy with unsaid words. In the darkness, I find you in the stream between my eyes and my lips.
I’ve let you call the light every time I would get close to you. Go, stop, or take it slow? I didn’t mind...
“Yes of course/ I remember, how can I forget?/ How you feel… ”
– Frank Ocean’s “Thinking About You”
October 2011
6 posts
“You want me to let you go?”
1 tag
iNote No. 2
April 16, 2010 - I’m searching for flights departing next month. Maybe Mexico? I need another comfort zone; a comfort zone that your name isn’t attached to. We share California, soon we’ll share New York. Soon you’ll be invading my alternate comfort zone.
Circle of Ours
There aren’t any sharp turns or corners, only sharp pains. We can’t seem to walk out of this grey shaded circle of ours, nor meet while within. I get close, you turn away. I say ‘I’m in love,’ you say ‘I love you.’ I won’t listen, you won’t chance. I turn away, you get close. This circle of ours.
I fill in our conversations with words from...
“Oh my goodness. You think too much. Your romantic heart won’t let things...”
– close friend, Judy Watson
“What ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship.”
– Sex and the City | Season 4 | Episode 51 | Defining Moments
August 2011
4 posts
“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,...”
– Sex and the City | Season 6 | Episode 20 | An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)
“Him: You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving...”
– ‘The Holiday’
1 tag
Twist and Turn
He’d bring the blankets right above her shoulders then place the fan right in front of her so she wouldn’t awake neither cold nor hot. When he walked away, she’d dream. She dreamed of what they could be, of what he could be. She bent to perfectly fit into the mold of the crutch he’d get away treating her as. Anything but perfect. She dreamed of them talking, what she would say, how he’d...
“When your life is sucking, you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men. It’s...”
– Grey’s Anatomy | Season 2 | Episode 19 | What Have I Done To Deserve This?
July 2011
3 posts
2 tags
iNote No. 1
March 12, 2010 - I want to pray to detach, to let go but I’m scared that your face will fade from my heart.
“You were unnervingly delicate/ And I had a weakness for etiquette/ You laid a...”
– “The Blackest Lily” | ‘The Sea’ | Corinne Bailey Rae